August 30, 2010

Utter Defeat, Unequivocal Disappointment

In some circles of the poker world, getting a job is also known as "checking into the poker hospital." It brings me great sorrow to have to admit this publicly, but... I've officially checked myself in. I finally realized that maybe it wasn't the best idea to "go pro" in the middle of a recession. In my defense, I didn't lose any money. It's just that breaking even is the same as losing when you factor in rent, bills, and other living expenses. My aim when I was playing full-time was to make $100 a day, but you can't live comfortably in NYC on that kind of money. On top of aiming too low, I simply just didn't work hard enough. I didn't play often enough, or for long enough sessions. I played at lower stakes which limited my earing potential. I was also kind of lazy about it in that I mostly played online which, if you ask me, just isn't... really... poker.

This major life change of mine will have little to no effect on this blog, oddly enough. I have a bunch of stories from the past that I'm writing up now, and I've played enough in the last few months to provide you with several more picture dumps. My bad luck is still working overtime for you guys, even though I might have gone part-time.

June 30, 2010

The Stack Pack

I've been really high on poker recently. No wins, but I've been feeling good about my game and just generally feeling good about life. Getting my first (real) comment on this blog probably has something to do with that. By the way, the truth has come to light and the identity of Anonymous has been revealed. Needless to say that it was someone from within the K.O.C. camp who was just a little too eager to start helping out around here. My friends and family don't even know about this blog yet, so any readers that I have at this point have come here through entirely legitimate means. Aside from Anonymous of course, who was acting illegitimately.

The most obvious and main reason for my aforementioned condition is the W.S.O.P. The whole poker world is currently abuzz because of it. Everyone has at least one friend out there in Vegas right now who is about to play the main event or some of the preliminaries. My guy is a strong player who's been putting in work for years, totally bracelet-worthy and overdue as far as I'm concerned. He's a master of late/endgame play, so every time he runs deep I'm refreshing his blog like I've got money riding on it. I've briefly met tons of cool people through poker, but you know it's a weird thing with poker players and friendliness... for the most part everybody wants to be friendly, but no one is really there to make friends (and neither am I for that matter.) In the old days you weren't even supposed to ask a player his name. This guy is the only person that I have actually made an effort to stay in touch with, so of course I want to see him win the Main Event.

Speaking of winning the main event, I plan to do that too some day so I can be insanely hood-rich. Before that happens though, I would like to officially state for the record that I plan to give back to the poker community tenfold after I hit it big. By the time I'm an old man there will be various foundations, charities, and whatnot, but every empire must start somewhere so the first thing I'll do is put together my poker crew, The Stack Pack: a boisterous collection of notoriously broke poker players, fixed-up in dapper clothes, and traveling the circuit grinding out all the major tournaments with a shared bankroll. They would be provided with stakes, travel expenses, gambling money, spending cash and designer suits (to keep the crew looking sharp.) Everyone loves the fedora look, think Gavin Smith when he won his first bracelet.

The Stack Pack line-up will only include the most desperate of characters from the poker world including:

The great T.J. Cloutier


The venerable Paul "Eskimo" Clark


myself


squatter blogger extraordinaire LuckyJimm, and (my favorite) the most brokedest of them all King Niche. Maybe also Jean-Robert Bellande, but only because our press photos would look cooler with him in the background looking like our bodyguard. I have less respect for him, so he would have to carry our bags. He's got quite an ego, but I'm pretty sure he would want to crew-up with us though; I heard recently that he was broke again, starting over with a bankroll of $1,600 hustling pool.

If we could find a way to wrestle T.J. away from the craps table for a few days we might have a shot at winning a bracelet, other than that I don't really expect much in the way of results for the crew. The reality TV show would be a smash hit though. All my loses on this investment will be re-couped there, so long as I (rightfully) get that "Created By" credit and all its due residuals. If the producers feel that season one was too boring then I'll add Sam Grizzle to the crew just to spice things up. That could get scary though.

My ultimate goal for "The Pack" is for it to become an institution, and continue to operate long after I'm no longer involved. It will be a place where broke players can come to prove themselves (or to be humiliated on national television with all their leaks and tells exposed for the world to see.) My girlfriend gets credit for creating the sexier, less humiliating female version: The Rack Pack.

"The Stack Pack" is the best name I've come up with so far, but if you can suggest a better one... The Hat Pack? The Stake Pack? The Rake Pack? The Rake Back? ... by looking at us it should be called The Fat Pack... if Layne was involved I would obviously call it The Flack Pack

June 14, 2010

Casinos Are Rigged

Since apparently now I have a reader (albeit one who comments anonymously) I suppose I should take this blog more seriously. The aforementioned anonymous commenter wondered aloud if I am just as unlucky in a casino as I seem to be online, and asked if I think online poker is "rigged" for players to lose. If you want to know whether online poker is rigged or not, I'll give you the answer, it's very simple: No... well... I don't know. Maybe. Actually, probably. I mean, why not? Anyways, how am I supposed to know??? Considering I've made money playing online, I suppose it can't be rigged. Then again maybe I'm just one of the lucky ones that they let win to keep up appearances... but I digress...

Since Anonymous felt the need to point out the fact that I've yet to post any live-play bad beat stories, I figured I would take this opportunity to go straight to the casino and tempt fate for his (or her) amusement. My destination this time: Harrah's Rincon in sunny southern California. This was my first trip to a Casino on the west coast. Having heard various stories about the horrendously terrible players that frequent The Commerce in L.A. I assumed this place would be a goldmine.

After taking the early bird bus with about thirty retirees (and a few seemingly homeless people) I waltzed into the poker room at about 11:00 AM. I had never played poker that early in the day before, nor had I ever played $3/$6 limit which was the only game running at the time. Limit? Are you serious? YGBFKM. I sat down at the table CLEARLY the youngest person there, and promptly announced to everyone that I'd never played limit before and that they should take it easy on me. "See you on the river" the dealer said, and they all laughed. To be honest with you, I didn't know what that meant when she said it; but by the second hand I figured it out.

Dealt 7c8c on the small blind, I called and five people went to the flop. If you've seen the movie Rounders, you'll recognize the cards the dealer proceeded to fan out: 6 9 10. "I flopped the nut straight." Maybe limit hold 'em isn't so bad after all. I was first to act and bet right out. The big blind and UTG call, one was an old Asian (who seemed like a huge gambler) and the other was a mustached old grumpy dude. The turn comes, and it's an ace. I pray someone now has two pair, but since they both just call my next bet I have no reason to think that they do. The river is another six, pairing the board. I guess somehow I knew that I was beat and checked. Old Asian bets, and grumpy mustache folds. I call and wait a long time for him to turn over his cards, and when he finally does it he throws them face-up into the middle of the table with a loud "Bah!" Now, to me that "bah" usually means a player's not tabling a tremendously strong hand, so without looking I proudly flip over the 5th nuts or whatever it is I have. The whole table gasps. "Wow, a full house" someone says. Wait, what? The dealer says "sixes full of aces" and starts pushing the pot towards old Asian. He does not tip her. "You see what you've walked into?" one of the other players asks me. I look down to see that I've lost about one third of my starting stack within 90 seconds. I guess I'm glad he didn't raise on the turn.

He takes out his ear buds and asks me "dis you firs time playin'?" Where were you two minutes ago dick-face? Clearly rocking out to some J-Pop.

The only other hand of note from my limit session is too embarrassing to recount, even here on the most embarrassing of poker blogs. Long story short, I got bluffed. Now, I know what you're thinking: in limit it's impossible to get bluffed because no matter what you always have odds to call. Well I know that. Or rather, I knew that, but I guess I forgot. I thought I was making a pretty good lay down, but instead I gave the mustached old grumpy dude too much credit. I didn't think he'd flame off a bet with nine-high, but I guess some people got money to burn and suicidal bluffs to run. I'm sure %90 of the time I'm saving myself a bet in that spot, so I guess I can't be too mad at myself. "You can't bluff in limit... unless you're a good player" comes flapping out from between the mustache lips and he starts laughing like he just said the funniest thing ever.

Since senior citizens were whipping my ass relentlessly in the cash game, I couldn't wait for the noon tournament to begin. It was a $30 MTT with a $20 add-on and a $5 charge for "bonus chips." Tournament directors: can we please just call it a $50+$5 like normal people? Anyways, the players at my starting table were fairly predictable: a couple of old man nits, a Brooklyn-accented LAGtard, a couple of young internet players, an old lady callingstation, and a tall skinny guy who ordered his coffees spiked with Jameson (this man was clearly and my long lost brother and I completely regret missing the opportunity to reconnect with him.) Nothing exciting really happened in the first hour. I got maximum value out of the Brooklynite in a funky hand where I flopped two pair with the old jack-trey, and then sniffed out that I was still good when he bet the board-pairing river. I had run my starting stack up to 10k when it happened, the moment you've all been waiting for...

Of the aforementioned players, which one do you think busted me? Please, take a minute to think about it. I'll wait.

Near the bubble, with the blinds at 400/800, I decided it was time to open up a little. On the big blind I look down at KhJh as the old man nit and old lady callingstation both limp from the button and small blind respectively. I go all in and await their decisions. Old man nit thinks about it, then folds. Now, I have absolutely no clue what old lady callingstation was thinking, and I really regret not taking a photo of the cards to prove that I'm not making this up, but she makes a reluctant call for all her chips and I show her my paint. I'm assuming she has ace-rag and that I need to get lucky, but she does not have ace-rag. She has jack two... suited. I've seen people make kamikaze calls like that online, but to do that in a casino you must really be ready to go home. This should have been my ticket to the money, but instead the board rolls out x J x x 2 and I am bust down to under 3k. The next hand she limps again, this time from the button, and makes another call when I shove from the small blind. This hand I have KQ and she has KJ and I catch a small double up. The next hand after that she limp-calls again, this time holding K 10 against my second KQ in a row. My usual luck (or lack thereof) takes control of the situation and board rolls out a classic 7 J x 8 9. She ended up being part of a four-way chop, earning herself a neat $250. There is no way in God's green earth that I would ever even CONSIDER chopping with her, or any of those other players for that matter.

Thank you for being my first commenter Anonymous. Now please ship $135 to Flynn McCaffrey on FTP because you know you done done me wrong.

June 03, 2010

My Return to JokerStars

After the cash-out curse killed my bankroll on Poker Stars I stopped playing there (obv) so when I got an email from them saying I was being put in a special invitation-only tournament with a $10,000 guarantee I figured this was their way of making it up to me. I thought for sure I was guaranteed at least five bucks or something, and maybe they were trying to make it up to me, but not with money... anyway, here's tonight's unluckiness...


I flat called his raise pre flop so I was surprised when he lead out on the flop with a 2/3rd pot bet. The funny thing is, I had a feeling that he was really strong and for once had to think about re-shipping here. My girlfriend happened to be watching me play at this particular moment and I actually told her that I might be beat with a set, but I didn't really believe it. I didn't think Stars would do it to me like that. Luckily, after all the money went in and he hit on the turn, I could blame her for being the cooler instead of them. Here's looking foreward to my next Stars invitational!

May 26, 2010

Shut Up and Take It Like A Man


Most people assume that poker is a losing venture (and for most, it is). So if you tell the average person that you're going to the casino to play some juicy cash games, they're probably going to assume that you're a gambler who will probably win a little at first before eventually losing it all. Given this social stigma, it's pretty surprising that somewhere along the line certain poker players actually developed the nerve to COMPLAIN about losing. Isn't that what everyone expects you to do? Isn't that what your mom said would happen to you if you went to the casino? It doesn't matter how you lose, whether it's your fault or someone else's, that's what was PROBABLY going to happen. Since you knew that going into it, supposedly, why do you feel the need to complain now? Aren't you ashamed?

These complainers are essentially the same people you see making an ass out of themselves getting needlessly bent-out-of-shape at banks, the post office, cell phone stores, etc. In the old days of poker these people wouldn't dare open their mouths, but nowadays, in the modern casino environment as well as online, they feel more than comfortable enough to spout off at the lip incessantly if they want. Why? Well you see, the poker world presents itself as a safe environment, where everyone is free and encouraged to drink, gamble, and have fun. The average losing player will wander into the poker room, buy in for more than they're comfortable with, do something stupid, lose, and then be mad at themselves for deciding to play in the first place. It makes some of them feel better to vent, and for the most part everyone else is willing to put up with it. The other players stay quiet in hopes that the loser will return reloaded and on tilt, while the house couldn't care less. As long as you pay your vig they don't give a shit if you throw your cards at the dealer and sexually harass all the cocktail waitresses. Certainly no member of the floor staff would ever dream of hushing a complainer.

If you're sitting in a poker room though, there's nothing worse than hearing someone complain, especially if they have a nasally twerp voice or headstrong jockish aggression. Poker rooms are pretty quiet and tame places, and while I've heard of stabbings, robberies, fights, and whatnot, chances are that a loud complaint is just about the worst thing you'll ever witness in one. Unfortunately, given the nature of the game, they happen often. People who play a lot of poker know not to complain about cards, especially around other poker players. Anyone who does so either has a predilection for complaining or a backbone made of jelly, and neither trait makes for a good poker player (or a good friend for that matter.) Sometimes though, a winning player will suffer a seemingly endless string of horrendously bad luck that will eventually cause losses. When a buddy inquires how he's been doing at the tables lately, expecting him to report wins, he feels responsible to offer up an explanation, pushing him closer to the breaking point. When that player can no longer contain himself he unleashes upon the inquirer what's known as "the bad beat story."

I have never been a fan of bad beat stories. I prefer to called them "painful memories." A bad beat story (being a verbal or written exchange between two poker players where one recalls to the other the details of a losing hand played at some point in the past) is never a good thing because no one wants to hear about a loss, let alone its intimate details. Why would you dredge up that muck from the past just to re-live it now here with me? Even a good one from a player I respect is mildly annoying because I want to hear about him winning, not losing. The bad beat story used to be palatable, but now that it's been discovered by the complainers, all bets are off. I heard Dr. Pauly will charge you $20 if you try to tell him a bad beat story unprovoked. Now every losing complainer with a blogger account has a page that looks just like this one.

It's clear by now that I think of myself as more than a complaining loser; and considering I've won a lot of money playing poker over the years, I'm not a loser at all. More like, an unlucky player. I was taught this game at a very young age, and throughout my life I've lived with it. From elementary school to college: I've studied this game. I've grown with it as an ever present force in my life, and as far back as I can remember I've been good at it. The problem with being good at poker is that, hey, it's poker. No matter what, it's still a card game, a gamble that anyone can win. Regardless of skill, there's always some possibility that another player could get lucky on you. Like I said before, when most people lose it's because they played bad; chances are when I lose it's because I got unlucky.

I'm sure I used to complain before I learned that, when you get unlucky like that, nothing should come out of your mouth except maybe a joke to let everyone know you're not phased. I don't know about you, but when that happens to a player at my table I don't even like to crack a smile. And if somebody sucks-out on me I usually say nothing because I'm too busy thinking "I can't believe how unlucky I am. What am I doing with my life? There's too much variance in poker." When you present yourself to the table as a player your demeanor is a big part of it. Personally I like to abide by the rules of Gentleman's Poker. I'm pretty sure complaining aloud to your table mates like a sore loser violates those rules. I don't like to buck tradition. No slow rolling, no angle shooting, no sniveling. Got it?

Still, all the negativity I feel when I lose has got to go somewhere. I guess this blog is my breaking point. I actually decided to start it a few years ago, hoping it would somehow exorcise the demons that were haunting my Full Tilt account. I will forever regret procrastinating all that time, especially considering the run I've had since then. So many times I would bust out on the bubble of a big tournament and think "god damn I wish I had started that blog already, this would have been a perfect update." Of course that would just send me on missed-opportunity-tilt. In poker's defense, I was playing a lot of tournaments, and any tournament player will tell you: there are going to be a lot of bad beats and gross situations, it happens everyday, over and over, so get used to it. Given the way tournaments work, you have no choice but to get unlucky at some point. It's an eventuality. In fact, you should EXPECT to get unlucky because if you ARE such a good player (like you claim you are) then the only way you CAN lose is by getting unlucky. Every time it happens you should be all like "meh, I'm just doing my job." If you can't hack it then you'll just end up complaining to your blog and quitting poker like a crybaby piss-pants.

Starting out this blog so late in the game makes me look like a loon, complaining about four or five bad beats. Real tournament players suffer four or five bad beats before they eat breakfast! Please be sure there have been a lot along the way, I'm simply just chronicling the latest and the greatest. I've put in some decent volume over the years, so hopefully I've earned the right to tell you a few bbs.

May 23, 2010

The Daily Squalor

Glutton for punishment that I am, I just couldn't resist going back for more... The non-rebuy form of the Daily Dollar has got to be one of the easiest real money games in poker. This is the game that literally anyone can afford to buy into, so the 10,000 player field usually contains players who could be: drunk, high, drunk & high, about to leave, about to sleep, not taking the game seriously, taking the game too seriously, easily tilted, practically comatose, thirteen years old, etc, etc. This doesn't mean I was able to get anything going though. I guess you could file me under "taking the game too seriously."



When your opponent shoves with air, and you make that world-class, dream-shattering call with your favorite small pocket pair, your opponent usually doesn't find one of his few outs to squeak out a win. If you're not me, you should make that call every time. The mistake I make here was putting my tournament life on the line while my opponent had live outs.

May 20, 2010

The Daily Squalor Rebuy

I have to admit, I couldn't wait to play this game and blog about it. A rebuy tournament with a one dollar buy-in seems like a perfect place to find fodder for your woe-is-me-iMsoUnlucky poker blog. I thought for sure I'd get two or three posts worth of material out of the rebuy period alone, but unfortunately for you, dear reader(s), everything went my way for the most part. I had 13k in chips within twenty minutes, so I had more than quadrupled my starting stack. About ninety minutes in I was totally running over the table, up to 24k, when this happened...



... the action pre-flop was relatively weak (somebody smooth called) so, with about 3k in the pot on the flop, his all-in for 17k was a disgustingly silly over-bet, especially considering we both had monster-stacks. He's lucky I was his opponent. I took too long to hit the call button, and since nobody likes a slowroll, I'm bust back down to practically starting stacks. The money was another hour (or two) away, so I went to work. Eventually I built my stack back up to about 50k but that comeback is NOTHING compared to this guy bigalact who built 100k out of half an ante in like 25 hands. Of course, when I busted out it wasn't because of a suckout. In fact, it was the tightest player at the table who woke up with AA on the small blind to snap off my JJ. I was short-stacked and all-in pre-flop, of course. Good run I guess.

May 18, 2010

Rush Joker

The poker site I'm primarily playing on now seems to feel like they have the right to basically re-invent the game. I guess when you own the house you start feeling like God. Short of actually creating new games, they've tinkered endlessly with the adjustable parameters of poker in order to create games that appeal to every type of player. Short stacks for the aggressive. Deep stacks for the afraid. Matrices for the multi-tablers. Super short stacks for the gamblers. I would give them credit for being creative, but there still seems to be no sign of five-card draw anywhere on their site so the selection to me still feels... plentiful, but incomplete.

Their latest invention is Rush Poker. My first reaction was: "umm... hell no. That just seems... like a bad idea." I eventually gave it a try, but still have mixed feelings about it. It doesn't seem like something a player could make money from too easily. All that effort you put in over the years studying other players and learning how to pick up tells, worthless. Being at a new table every hand means that once you get a read on another player they're immediately taken away from you, lost into a pool of hundreds. You'll probably land at a table with them again, but not as often as you'd like.

Last night I played something like my seventh session on this, Howard Lederer's latest carnival ride of confusion. I felt good going into it because I was up on Rush poker about forty bucks thanks to a hand where I was AIPF three-ways holding AK vs KQ & 9h7h. I was all ready to fire up the internet browser and start blogging when somehow they whiffed. The hand I will share with you now is nearly identical to another hand from one of my first Rush sessions a few weeks ago (before I had this blog)




He took the lead the whole way until the turn when I figured out that I was good and raised. He called my raise, leaving me with something like $4 behind and $26 in the pot, so I think my call on the river was unavoidable. Maybe I could have pushed him off it on the turn with a bigger bet, but with such a small difference between a min-raise and a 3-bet, he probably still would have called. I wanted the action on the turn anyway so I guess I'm glad he chased the straight draw.

May 17, 2010

The Double Douche

This week my plan was to grind out a profit from a bunch of small games, then take a shot at one of the big tournaments on Sunday (a pattern of behavior repeated in thousands of households across the world, I'm sure.) For those who don't know, Sunday is a big day for poker players. There are a few reasons why, but I think that primarily it's because time-consuming responsibilities during the week don't allow for fun until the weekends. Poker, for most people, being fun. Secondly you have the aforementioned big tournaments. All of the casinos and major poker sites hold their biggest games on Sundays, so even the sharks are drawn in (by the scent of donkey blood.) Every moderately skilled poker player has at least one fond memory of a past Sunday when they took a shot and hit it big. Mine was in 2007, when I basically free rolled my way into seventeen grand.

The shot I took this Sunday was not that big. The Double Deuce is a $22 tournament with a $200,000 guarantee and a $31,000 payout for first place. To win it I would need to beat nine thousand people. To best a huge field like that you need a lot of things (skills, patience, aggressiveness, blah blah blah), but most importantly you need to go All-In as a statistical favorite over and over and over again until you reach the final table. Sure, there will be a lot of coin flips along the way (maybe even a suckout or two) but ideally you always want to have that percentage advantage. The reason why I can never win a big tournament is because when I have the best hand it never holds up. Don't believe me? Well here's one example...



... pre flop, a player from middle position limped (or raised, I forget) and the villain shoved about 30xbb from the button. My short-stacked call from the small blind was for approximately 8xbb. The original limper folded (probably an ace) so I was all set for the triple-up that would have put me back in contention.

I hadn't taken a shot in a big tournament for a while, so this was no way to be welcomed back into the fold. There was a $25,000 overlay, so I thought it would be smart to take advantage. Silly me for being observant. Oh well... I guess it's back to the drawing board

May 14, 2010

AK < KJ AIPF

I will always be happy when you call me with a weaker hand, but if you hold King-Jack, please, just fold. It is The Iron Man. I just can't beat it. Four times in recent history I have lost to KJ while holding AK (all in pre-flop of course.) Granted, the statistics geeks will scream out that four occasions is simply too small a sample size to determine that AK is bad luck (sorry KevMath) but I have a blog to update so bear with me...

One of those four times was at the final table of The Daily Dollar recently. I had never felt more in control of a game in my entire life. I'd made final tables before, but never one this soft; everything was on track for me to take it down. With the buy in so low, you know the field is going to be stacked with clowns. The final table was no different. Everyone was a clown. They all might as well have used the clown avatar. Some angry clowns, some confused clowns...

Of corse, I should have recognized that false sense of security as soon as I felt it. I should have recognized AK for the desperate, un-made, gamblicious hand that it is, and somehow played it differently. I forget how many big blinds I shoved (16?) but I remember that I was in middle position and the pot was unopened. The BB was a clown who had just doubled up to become one of the chip leaders. He called with KJ off. This was for about %40 of his stack; he would have had 20xbb left if he had lost. I was thrilled to see his hand until the board rolled out xxJxJ

TONIGHT'S UNLUCKINESS:
Getting into the spirit of this post, I'll take this opportunity to shit on AK some more. Here's the scene... 6-handed Super Turbo sng, $5 buy in, $20 for 1st place, $10 for 2nd... When we got to heads up I was out-chipped like 4-to-1 but I battled my way back to practically even stacks. He had slightly more chips, but I had the skill-edge. Of course, all that hard work was for nothing. Third verse, the same as the first. AK vs KJ AIPF, board rolls out JQxxx. GG

May 11, 2010

Regular Beat

Tonight's unluckiness is almost standard enough to pass on posting. I'm not going to complain about losing with AK to AJ AIPF when someone else at the same table lost with AA to A5... AIPF

I intend to start providing bankroll updates on here at some point in the future. Right now though, the stakes I'm playing at are so low that you're bound to lose interest if I start talking about the money.

May 06, 2010

The Yin Yang Yo-Yo

A running tally of my most unfortunate situations may be a bit too much for some of you to bear; so to balance things out a little I've created a companion blog. On the rare occasion where I might actually have something good to say, you'll hear about it over there. Don't expect too much though. This seems to be where it's at for now.

May 02, 2010

I Must Be Bluffing

I really like those "shallow" cash games on Full Tilt. They only allow you to buy in with 20 big blinds, so the action is usually nice and loose. The table I played at tonight was predictably so; but unfortunately, that action led to...

TONIGHT'S UNLUCKINESS:
It folds around to my SB. The BB was a weak player, so I decide to play tricky with my AA and just call. It's her turn to act and I'm thinking "please raise, please raise." She obliges me, and raises to $1.50. I thank my lucky stars. Knowing that she likes her hand, I decide to min-raise to get more money into the pot before she whiffs the flop. She calls, and we see a flop of QQ4. She bets the pot pretty quick, and any good poker player will tell you exactly what she has here (small pocket pair.) Since I min-raised pre-flop, I decided another min-raise is the best way to get the rest of her money in the middle. So I make it $12, and she shoves, right on cue. With $40 in the pot and both players all in, she shows me that my read was perfect. Pocket sixes. The third six wastes no time and pops up right there on fourth street. I put on the angry face and decide not to re-buy.

May 01, 2010

Unemployable

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a man of many hustles, poker being one. First and foremost, I'm an idea man. I am the kind of man you discuss a project with, not the one you put to work on it. This is easily my most profitable skill. This blog is a perfect example. You see? I had an idea, and BLAM! There it is. I'm a genius (and I mean this!)

The problem with being an idea man is that, while you posses a skill applicable in practically any vocation, almost no one will pay you what you're worth, and more often than not you're working a job that seems like a waste of your time and abilities. This is why poker attracts so many people like me; it provides unlimited earning potential for anyone who's got their proverbial shit together.

I've worked shit jobs. Fast food and corporate chain restaurants mostly. If you think you've worked a shit job and it was in an office, then you don't know what shit is. But even after college, when a degree allowed me to make $50k a year pushing buttons, I worked jobs that certainly weren't taking full advantage of what I had to offer. Maybe I'm just a malcontent like most people, and the only job that will make me truly happy is King-Of-The-World (and even then I would complain about what a dick the boss is.)

Given my skill set, poker seems like a great profession for me and would certainly be my first choice if it weren't for the whole unluckiest-player-in-the-world thing. But, as luck would have it, right now poker is my only source of income. That's right. I'll admit it. I win, sometimes. Like when it doesn't count. For instance, the other night I won nine bucks for getting first place in a $2 SNG. But when I use that nine bucks to buy into a big tournament on Sunday what do I win? Why, a wasted afternoon, of course!

Losing is the worst part of being a professional poker player. No matter how good you are, you can't win them all. There will always be downswings. Coolers. Suck outs. Mother variance manifesting herself in the form of a bad beat, turning your fantastic tournament performance (where you totally owned all of the nits and frat boys) into a waste of $200. Unfortunately for me, mother variance loves to punish the unlucky. Be thankful it's not you. At this point, I am convinced that it serves a purpose. Maybe I'm there to give the hopeless gambler a second chance. I'm that sharp young broke kid that plays good but always loses when someone eventually gets lucky on him. If it weren't for the dream of busting people like me, most whales wouldn't even be in the game. I guess I should play my part, since I know my role so well...

TONIGHT'S UNLUCKINESS:
Final tabled the $500 guarantee on Absolute Poker, only to get busted by the table maniac. From the unopened SB he tries to steal my BB with K4 off suit and a 4.5xbb raise. I quickly 4-bet shove all in with 44 and he SNAP calls like he knows he's good. This call was for about %90 of his chips. The king on the river earns me a fourth place finish and $50. He went on to win the thing for $150.

April 29, 2010

Why "The King O' Clubs?"

Well... what is it that you do with a club? You BEAT things. Therefore I am THE KING OF BEATS, and that would be the name of this blog were it not the stage-name I had set aside for when I become a famous hip hop producer.

I also feel an affinity towards clubs because they supposedly represents the peasant class; a class I both hail from, and currently reside in. It's best to be part of the peasant class because if you succeed you're rags-to-riches, and if you fail no one expected much of you anyway. For a gambler, this seems like a win-win situation.

Another reason for the name is that I'm quite proud of being Irish-American, and The King O' Clubs has a certain Celtic ring to it. Also, some grasshopper douche bag already started The King OF clubs blog, so I had to come up with something else. Anyways, what do you care nosy-pants ? Quit hatin' on a playa!

April 28, 2010

Unlucky Me

You are now following the ongoing chronicles of The King O' Clubs. Who is The King O' Clubs? Why he is THE UNLUCKIEST POKER PLAYER IN THE WORLD, that's who! I don't know if anyone has previously claimed this title, but I posses it now. I don't care if you've lost more money than me, you'll never be as unlucky. I'm serious... people laugh out loud. I got unlucky, you just played bad. There's a huge difference.

My destiny is to lose, despite my best efforts. Do you think reading a bunch of poker books will make a difference? NO! You think high volume will negate the variance? WRONG. You think I can't lose as a 20-to-1 favorite for my tournament life? IT HAPPENS OFTEN! Think I can short-stack ninja my way to the final table like I did in Vegas? NO I CAN'T! You will always find your outs when you're in a hand with me. Outs you didn't even know you had.

This is what goes through my opponent's head, right before he busts me on the bubble: "Damn... he caught me. I guess I have to call though, I'm pot-committed." The dealer runs the board, and out of the corner of my eye I see what appears to be a fist-pump. I'm sure people say "good game kid," but all I can hear is my opponent say "Whew! That was close. He totally had me!"

Now before you think I'm complaining, it must be said that I do not blame anything for this phenomenon because it is simply a force of nature. I do not blame the dealers or the internet. I do not blame the players OR the game. I just watch in silenced awe.

Join me now, and you too can witness the astounding, jaw-dropping, downright TAINT-NUMBING reversal of fortunes!