Shut Up and Take It Like A Man

Most people assume that poker is a losing venture (and for most, it is). So if you tell the average person that you're going to the casino to play some juicy cash games, they're probably going to assume that you're a gambler who will probably win a little at first before eventually losing it all. Given this social stigma, it's pretty surprising that somewhere along the line certain poker players actually developed the nerve to COMPLAIN about losing. Isn't that what everyone expects you to do? Isn't that what your mom said would happen to you if you went to the casino? It doesn't matter how you lose, whether it's your fault or someone else's, that's what was PROBABLY going to happen. Since you knew that going into it, supposedly, why do you feel the need to complain now? Aren't you ashamed?

These complainers are essentially the same people you see making an ass out of themselves getting needlessly bent-out-of-shape at banks, the post office, cell phone stores, etc. In the old days of poker these people wouldn't dare open their mouths, but nowadays, in the modern casino environment as well as online, they feel more than comfortable enough to spout off at the lip incessantly if they want. Why? Well you see, the poker world presents itself as a safe environment, where everyone is free and encouraged to drink, gamble, and have fun. The average losing player will wander into the poker room, buy in for more than they're comfortable with, do something stupid, lose, and then be mad at themselves for deciding to play in the first place. It makes some of them feel better to vent, and for the most part everyone else is willing to put up with it. The other players stay quiet in hopes that the loser will return reloaded and on tilt, while the house couldn't care less. As long as you pay your vig they don't give a shit if you throw your cards at the dealer and sexually harass all the cocktail waitresses. Certainly no member of the floor staff would ever dream of hushing a complainer.

If you're sitting in a poker room though, there's nothing worse than hearing someone complain, especially if they have a nasally twerp voice or headstrong jockish aggression. Poker rooms are pretty quiet and tame places, and while I've heard of stabbings, robberies, fights, and whatnot, chances are that a loud complaint is just about the worst thing you'll ever witness in one. Unfortunately, given the nature of the game, they happen often. People who play a lot of poker know not to complain about cards, especially around other poker players. Anyone who does so either has a predilection for complaining or a backbone made of jelly, and neither trait makes for a good poker player (or a good friend for that matter.) Sometimes though, a winning player will suffer a seemingly endless string of horrendously bad luck that will eventually cause losses. When a buddy inquires how he's been doing at the tables lately, expecting him to report wins, he feels responsible to offer up an explanation, pushing him closer to the breaking point. When that player can no longer contain himself he unleashes upon the inquirer what's known as "the bad beat story."

I have never been a fan of bad beat stories. I prefer to called them "painful memories." A bad beat story (being a verbal or written exchange between two poker players where one recalls to the other the details of a losing hand played at some point in the past) is never a good thing because no one wants to hear about a loss, let alone its intimate details. Why would you dredge up that muck from the past just to re-live it now here with me? Even a good one from a player I respect is mildly annoying because I want to hear about him winning, not losing. The bad beat story used to be palatable, but now that it's been discovered by the complainers, all bets are off. I heard Dr. Pauly will charge you $20 if you try to tell him a bad beat story unprovoked. Now every losing complainer with a blogger account has a page that looks just like this one.

It's clear by now that I think of myself as more than a complaining loser; and considering I've won a lot of money playing poker over the years, I'm not a loser at all. More like, an unlucky player. I was taught this game at a very young age, and throughout my life I've lived with it. From elementary school to college: I've studied this game. I've grown with it as an ever present force in my life, and as far back as I can remember I've been good at it. The problem with being good at poker is that, hey, it's poker. No matter what, it's still a card game, a gamble that anyone can win. Regardless of skill, there's always some possibility that another player could get lucky on you. Like I said before, when most people lose it's because they played bad; chances are when I lose it's because I got unlucky.

I'm sure I used to complain before I learned that, when you get unlucky like that, nothing should come out of your mouth except maybe a joke to let everyone know you're not phased. I don't know about you, but when that happens to a player at my table I don't even like to crack a smile. And if somebody sucks-out on me I usually say nothing because I'm too busy thinking "I can't believe how unlucky I am. What am I doing with my life? There's too much variance in poker." When you present yourself to the table as a player your demeanor is a big part of it. Personally I like to abide by the rules of Gentleman's Poker. I'm pretty sure complaining aloud to your table mates like a sore loser violates those rules. I don't like to buck tradition. No slow rolling, no angle shooting, no sniveling. Got it?

Still, all the negativity I feel when I lose has got to go somewhere. I guess this blog is my breaking point. I actually decided to start it a few years ago, hoping it would somehow exorcise the demons that were haunting my Full Tilt account. I will forever regret procrastinating all that time, especially considering the run I've had since then. So many times I would bust out on the bubble of a big tournament and think "god damn I wish I had started that blog already, this would have been a perfect update." Of course that would just send me on missed-opportunity-tilt. In poker's defense, I was playing a lot of tournaments, and any tournament player will tell you: there are going to be a lot of bad beats and gross situations, it happens everyday, over and over, so get used to it. Given the way tournaments work, you have no choice but to get unlucky at some point. It's an eventuality. In fact, you should EXPECT to get unlucky because if you ARE such a good player (like you claim you are) then the only way you CAN lose is by getting unlucky. Every time it happens you should be all like "meh, I'm just doing my job." If you can't hack it then you'll just end up complaining to your blog and quitting poker like a crybaby piss-pants.

Starting out this blog so late in the game makes me look like a loon, complaining about four or five bad beats. Real tournament players suffer four or five bad beats before they eat breakfast! Please be sure there have been a lot along the way, I'm simply just chronicling the latest and the greatest. I've put in some decent volume over the years, so hopefully I've earned the right to tell you a few bbs.