Unemployable

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a man of many hustles, poker being one. First and foremost, I'm an idea man. I am the kind of man you discuss a project with, not the one you put to work on it. This is easily my most profitable skill. This blog is a perfect example. You see? I had an idea, and BLAM! There it is. I'm a genius (and I mean this!)

The problem with being an idea man is that, while you posses a skill applicable in practically any vocation, almost no one will pay you what you're worth, and more often than not you're working a job that seems like a waste of your time and abilities. This is why poker attracts so many people like me; it provides unlimited earning potential for anyone who's got their proverbial shit together.

I've worked shit jobs. Fast food and corporate chain restaurants mostly. If you think you've worked a shit job and it was in an office, then you don't know what shit is. But even after college, when a degree allowed me to make $50k a year pushing buttons, I worked jobs that certainly weren't taking full advantage of what I had to offer. Maybe I'm just a malcontent like most people, and the only job that will make me truly happy is King-Of-The-World (and even then I would complain about what a dick the boss is.)

Given my skill set, poker seems like a great profession for me and would certainly be my first choice if it weren't for the whole unluckiest-player-in-the-world thing. But, as luck would have it, right now poker is my only source of income. That's right. I'll admit it. I win, sometimes. Like when it doesn't count. For instance, the other night I won nine bucks for getting first place in a $2 SNG. But when I use that nine bucks to buy into a big tournament on Sunday what do I win? Why, a wasted afternoon, of course!

Losing is the worst part of being a professional poker player. No matter how good you are, you can't win them all. There will always be downswings. Coolers. Suck outs. Mother variance manifesting herself in the form of a bad beat, turning your fantastic tournament performance (where you totally owned all of the nits and frat boys) into a waste of $200. Unfortunately for me, mother variance loves to punish the unlucky. Be thankful it's not you. At this point, I am convinced that it serves a purpose. Maybe I'm there to give the hopeless gambler a second chance. I'm that sharp young broke kid that plays good but always loses when someone eventually gets lucky on him. If it weren't for the dream of busting people like me, most whales wouldn't even be in the game. I guess I should play my part, since I know my role so well...

TONIGHT'S UNLUCKINESS:
Final tabled the $500 guarantee on Absolute Poker, only to get busted by the table maniac. From the unopened SB he tries to steal my BB with K4 off suit and a 4.5xbb raise. I quickly 4-bet shove all in with 44 and he SNAP calls like he knows he's good. This call was for about %90 of his chips. The king on the river earns me a fourth place finish and $50. He went on to win the thing for $150.